I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
