Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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