i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
