So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
