where am i from again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
