just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
