He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
