No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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