I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
