as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
