he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
