Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
