i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
