you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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