Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes

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(313): View more from Michigan

Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins

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(248): View more from Michigan

guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?

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(+61): View more from Australia

Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?

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(805): View more from California

I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.

(805): View more from California

Why do I even exist?

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(406): View more from Montana

Because you touch yourself at night.

(701): View more from North Dakota

...What time of day am I supposed to do it?

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(763): View more from Minnesota

hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.

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