I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
