last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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