Say something about gay babies.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
