fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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