You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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