i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
