how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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