i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
