Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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