first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
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I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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