If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
