wrigley field is MILF paradise
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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