i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
