____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
