you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
