it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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