My friends, they love my intelligence
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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