Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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