I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
No I am not eating basil off your cock
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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