She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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