Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize