It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
