The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
