The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
