Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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