dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
