I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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