Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
