Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
