Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
