I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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