the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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