anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
