There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
