i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
