yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
