As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
