My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
