I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
