First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
