Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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