Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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