Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
