We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
