Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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