Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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