i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
