My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
