shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
