Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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