'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
