guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
