I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
