So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
