Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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