I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
