The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
