I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
