I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
